I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
