I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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