She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
