Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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