I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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