I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
