I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
