my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
