My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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