omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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