nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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