I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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