honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
