the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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