somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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