I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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