I hope mine doesn't look like that
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
