i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
