Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
