apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
