Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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