So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I faked an abortion last night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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