remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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