Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
