ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
