That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
