I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
