Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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