I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
