FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
