just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
