is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
