it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
