Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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