i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
