Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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