stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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