Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
