Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
