Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
