That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I met the friendliest cop last night
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
