Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
