3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
