remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
