Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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