I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
