I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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