I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
