Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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