I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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