I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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